Question:

My therapist of several years humiliated me by suggesting that I might be using our relationship as a substitute for a romantic relationship. I felt so ashamed, humiliated and embarrassed I had to leave the room. What should I do?

Answer:

Assuming your therapist is a well trained professional, which I’ll assume they are as you mention you’ve been with them for several years. It’s very unlikely they intended to humiliate you.

The obvious question to ask is, are they correct? Transference is very common in therapy, and the longer you are in therapy the more likely it is to happen. And as traditional psychoanalysis frequently has repeat sessions for years, or even decades, rather than hypnotherapy where it’s unusual to have more than a dozen sessions before the issue is dealt with, it is more frequent there. But it does happen in all forms of therapy as I mentioned. By broaching the subject, they protect themselves and their professional reputation, but also offer you a way to deal with something you may not have realised was an issue. Think about the tone and exact wording used. I’m sure you’ll realise it was what I’ve just suggested rather than an accusation. However, having said that, some therapists like shock tactics, not something I approve of myself, but that’s neither here nor there. If this was what they were doing, trying to get a reaction from you, they certainly achieved that.

What you do, depends on what was said and how. I’d recommend you talk to the therapist, perhaps by phone if you are worried about being there in person and discuss what the situation is and how you both want to move forward. It may be a plan to continue working with them, or it may be the end of your working relationship and you finding somebody else to work with. But you do need to discuss this, you can’t just leave it hanging.

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